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Seahawks Fans Tell their Kids to be Like Russel Wilson


Russell Wilson smile

Following his recent engagement to Singer Ciara, Seahawks fans everywhere are encouraging their kids to be even more like Russell Wilson.

“We taught Jimmy a few songs about it,” said one Seattle resident. “Wilson Loves Me, This I Know, What a Friend We Have In Russell, and that one song where they spell out their beliefs. You know, ‘I am a S-E. I am an S-E. I am an S-E-A-H-A-W-K-S F-A-N.’ I think it’s a good influence on ’em.”

Some, especially people of faith, have raised objection to teaching kids songs praising Russell Wilson, but the NFL released a statement recently, stating, “We talked with Jesus and he’s totally cool with it because he is also a Seahawks fan. Also 10% Seahawks merchandise this week with code: PRAISEBETORUSSELL.”

One Christian Seahawk fan in particular commented, “Well, Jesus never got married, and so even if we want to be like him, we have no immaculate example of the perfect sexual relationship. Now with Russell and Ciara, we can finally know how to model our dating lives, and soon our marriages. We won’t have to be agnostic about marriage anymore.”

In addition to Christians, other religious groups have made their voices heard as well. A few members from The Church of Tom Brady of Monday Night Saints Pats said that they consider devotion to Russell Wilson “still new, dangerous, untested, and totally not as good as Tom Brady.”

The NFL announced it will soon be releasing The Seahawks Bible, a short, ten page book with “everything you need for life, love, and football.” “It’s a cute little story about Russell Wilson throwing the football for our sins. We made it short so people could read it and get back to what’s important: football.

“It comes with a cool logo on the front and will be available for $29.99. We plan to release a whole series in the near future.”

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